I’m sexually attracted to a man at work, I’m married

I don’t know what is wrong with me and I have gone very far in a relationship with a guy who works in my office. That is not even the big issue. The big issue is that I’m married and I have kids and enjoy a good relationship with my husband. I have carried on with this for a while and the relationship is good for my se x life because it kind of rejuvenated it and makes me more attractive to my husband who noticed I am looking different and being update in fashion. He has not suspected I’m having an affair but I fear he would eventually get to know if I don’t stop. My life is becoming more exciting and I have come to realise that it’s not just about se x. It’s about everything about me. What do I do? Adela, Lagos Dear Adela, Are you asking for my opinion on whether you should continue this workplace dalliance? Se xual attraction in the workplace is readily combustible and often hard to resist or extinguish once the fires start raging. Based on my work over the years, let me explain that this kind of relationship when prolonged, rarely stays neat, sweet and discrete. The married partner, despite assurances to the contrary, rarely leaves his or her spouse for a variety of reasons, from the psychological to the financial and then, guilt eventually becomes a disruptive third party making the rendezvous increasingly conflicted. Neither lover is absolutely immune, whether married or single and the married member is often acting out his or her anger toward the spouse with an affair. Usually, it’s better to confront the problems in your marriage, decide if you can or cannot make the marriage work and start over, sadder and wiser, in your marriage or on your own . Sometime ago, somebody shared a story of a year long affair between a working-class bank teller and a bank executive. The teller had left her husband and kids because of emotional neglect. The two separated but did not divorce. The executive continued to live with his wife even while enjoying a ‘side-kick’ with the teller. This relationship provided the teller a little tenderness which had been lacking much of her life. Eventually, the teller and her husband reunited. The affair ended without significant problem. They became wiser soon enough and stopped.  But I know of another relationship involving a man and a woman, both in their 40s and both unhappy in their respective marriages. They met on the internet and soon progressed to real life affair during the man’s business travels.  The woman’s husband sensed a problem and it almost ruined their marriage. You don’t need to be told. This is something you should avoid.

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